God is a Carnivore

God is a carnivore. The initial plan for mankind included a dash of salt and a generous helping of pepper. Yes, it’s true. Mankind was bred in captivity for generations to serve as hors d'oeuvres for the most spectacular dinner party ever conceived. The guest list was a divine ‘who’s who’ list and included: Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, Mother Nature, Zeus, Odin, Eris, Diana, Lilith, Satan, and even that bitch, Kali.

God had spared no expense creating and perfecting a new meat for His guests.

Then it happened.

Satan said he was a vegetarian; Kali said she was jaded with flesh; and Eris said she’d prefer an apple and a hot dog.

God had labored diligently to create a perfect snack for His guests only to be rejected when it mattered most. Upset and distraught, He swore never to eat meat again.

Thus man is a domesticated beast thrown back to the wild. Confused and having long forgotten the skills needed for survival, man must somehow learn to cope with the loss of purpose that came from not being eaten.