December 18, 2004
Black Market Souls
We exist. This fact has implied the greatest question ever posed by a sentient being... why? A multitude of theories, philosophies, and, most importantly, religions have explored many avenues that have lead humanity in innumerable directions -and countless dead ends. But with all these things in mind, let us consider the following...
We are actually part of a highly sophisticated security system for a paranoid God that has been smuggling souls in the illegal black-market spirit trade.
It is true. By wrapping our souls in flesh, it was easier to slip them past the afterlife's Customs and Souls Enforcement Agencies.
Nerve endings in the flesh transmit all of our sensory data to the collective unconscious. The collective unconscious is constantly being monitored by angels in order to detect possible police presence and probes.
We are spirits crammed in an animal carcass specifically designed to throw the scent off and fool the Deity Dogs! In other words, we stink. We were designed to smell in order to cover up the scent of our beautiful souls.
Want to know another secret? Heaven is like an opium den. Soul after soul is stuffed into a divine water bong and puffed between Holy parted lips. We are spiritual heroin -the most sought after drug in the multi-verse. The Souls Anti Trafficking Armed Network (SATAN) is on constant lookout to take the souls from rogue Gods bent on making everyone into spiritual junkies.
Throw off your stinky flesh! Let your beautiful souls fly free! Cram yourself in a bong and get high on yourself!